Parallel Universes and a Perfect World
How many times have you heard someone say something and your unspoken (or maybe not unspoken) reply was, “Yeah, sure, in a perfect world.” I hear that little phrase, or some close variation on it, more and more. Is our world becoming more and more imperfect? Or are we just becoming more and more aware of its inherent imperfections? All those little nagging thises and thatses that go wrong and make up our daily lives. Or is it just an excuse for someone (maybe our very selves) not doing their best or even their 50% of best?
I can’t help but wonder if somewhere, in some other dimension, there is a Dianne making all the right choices and doing all the right things. Always working at her 100% best … nah. Ain’t gonna’ happen. Not as long as her name is Dianne. Still … no that’s just a fantasy. Shake it off and move on.
Lend Me Your Ear
For just one minute. I have to make a thorough examination of it because I think there is something seriously wrong with it. Oh, sorry, I forgot, you’re my husband.
Just last night as Bernd was sitting in front of the computer I walked up to him and waited for him to acknowledge my presence to be sure I had his attention. His eyes went right back to the monitor and I said to him, “Sweetie, I am going to go brush my teeth, wash my face and take a bath.” His reply was, “Unhuh.” Which was relatively easy to say because his mouth was already hanging partially open.
Now these are not momentous events as I have laid them out and really have no significance to him except as they provide an estimation of when I will be ready to get into bed. Still, I had the feeling that after he had looked at me with a happy grin and adoration apparent on his face and in his demeanor, that he had in a fraction of a second dismissed my presence and not heard a word I had said to him.
So next I said to him, “Honey, did you hear what I just said to you?” He looked away from the monitor and then back at me with this silly smile on his face and thought for way more seconds than I considered to be really appropriate and then said somewhat sheepishly, “Bath? Something about a bath?” My statement was a simple one and should have been relatively easy to repeat verbatim had he paid attention.
Is it possible that we wives have already said everything of any value that there was ever to be said and that there could not possibly be anything that we can add to that now or in the future and so there is no real reason for our husbands to pay attention to us? I think not. So why don’t our husbands listen to us when we speak to them? Or maybe it’s just that we haven’t figured out all the rules quite yet. For instance, a question (“Honey, did you hear what I just said to you?”) will get him to pay closer attention to what I am saying than a statement. So, here’s a tip for all you similarly afflicted wives: Phrase everything you say to your husband as a question. I’ll give it a try tonight and see how far it gets me.
“Get up in the morning, shower and shave, and take two turns on your worm.”
This was not the craziest thing I ever heard in my high school biology class, but it ranks right up there. We were discussing that day, the kinds of parasites that can infest the human body. There is one particular worm that develops from an egg laid just under the skin. About the only way to remove it is to attach it to a small stick (like a toothpick) and draw it out very slowly because it is segmented and any segment can re-grow the entire worm. So if you try to remove it quickly and it breaks off at the surface of the skin, you’ve accomplished nothing. Our instructor did not intend this as a metaphor for patience, I suspect he was relying on information that indicated that teenagers enjoyed this sort of thing and was going for the gross out factor. He had pictures to illustrate.
You might be asking yourselves why I bring this up right now. I’m wondering that myself. Can I really be held accountable for the things that just randomly pop into my mind?
More Things That I Have Learned
It’s never a good thing to think too highly of yourself. When you do, someone usually comes along and summarily takes you down a notch or two.
No one is going to think any better of you than you do of yourself.
I may just have figured out why I spend so much of my time in a fairly confused state.
No matter how carefully you say something, someone will always misunderstand what you have just said. It’s not always your fault.
Patience is a virtue, but knowing the right time to speak up just might save you some pain.
Skunks like peanuts just about as much as blue jays do. If the jays don’t eat all the peanuts you so thoughtfully put out for them, be sure to clean them up before nightfall.
Maddie's Mom Writes 