My husband used to call me from work during his lunch breaks. He didn’t always have much to say and neither did I, but we enjoyed hearing each other’s voices. One day, however, he told me something that really got me worked up. And it takes quite a bit to get me truly riled.

He’d had a customer that morning that told him he answered all of her questions but he wasn’t very friendly. Now my husband, Bernd, is never unfriendly and I’d go so far as to say he is actually friendly all of the time. He is helpful and generally very pleasant to be around. And I’m not saying that because I love him. On the rare (and I mean rare) occasion that he is being an idiot about something, I let him know. I don’t have to do that very often.

So what was this customer’s problem? I think I have the answer. It’s called (mostly by me so far) “faking friendliness” and it is an epidemic of national proportions. Blame big business and an overriding attention to the bottom line for this illness. And I am not just talking about fake friendship, but also the expectation of it.

Somewhere in corporate America, some socially retarded think-tanker who has never been in a real retail situation in his entire life and has no good idea how hard those people already work decided that if customers thought you cared about them, really cared about them, they would be happier and more likely to do what you want; that is buy their product or service. And that you would prefer their product or service over their competitors because you’ve made them feel so darn good about just how much you really like them. Unfortunately, it worked (mostly on the feeble minded and yes I’m being judgmental) and has spread like the plague.

In a lot of places, when you use a charge or debit card to pay for your groceries, your name is printed right on the receipt so that the cashier can read it, fumble around in his/her mind for a while trying to figure out how to say your name and then say to you something that sounds like, “Thank you for shopping with us today Mrs. Lehh-ha-men.” Usually, they have said it so quickly you are not really certain what they have said. Not only that, but everywhere you go you are greeted with fake smiles and close-to-cheery “hellos” and “how are yous” and so forth. Personally, I have never enjoyed this forced cheerfulness and seemingly overweening joy to see me. Furthermore, it has spoiled me for those who are genuine (well okay not completely, but I like to emphasize a point whenever I can) with their greetings and truly happy I’ve graced their day. There are a few. Read that any way you like. I will say, that since moving to Wyoming, I have experienced a lot less fake friendliness and for that I am grateful.

Just this morning, we did our weekly grocery shopping. The cashier did not greet us when we walked up. She did not smile. When it was all finished and all the bags were in the cart and she was handing us the receipt, she smiled and told us to have a nice day. We told her to have one too.

I never once thought that she should be bubblier. Or that she should tell us how happy she was that we had come in today. I didn’t think she was rude. It was a straight forward transaction between three people that was simply what it was and not some lame attempt to create something else.

Is it any wonder that because people are barraged with this disingenuous behavior everywhere they go that some folks would come to expect it at all times and under all circumstances? To my mind it is kind of like the McDonald’s Effect. Well, that’s what I call it. McDonald’s was and is extremely good at getting your food to you in a hurry. They pretty much set the standard for fast food restaurants in that regard. Then all the fast food establishments had to step up to the plate and make good on the challenge.  As a result, people have come to expect instant results wherever they go (yes, that’s a broad generalization, but I stand by it). This has bled over into so many areas that Bernd constantly battles it in his line of work as well. He is an optician and he sells glasses; glasses that will be ready in about a week to ten days. Come on, not everyone is Lenscrafters and not even they can make each and every pair in about an hour. But a fair number of his customers need them tomorrow. They expect them tomorrow and can’t understand why they can’t have them tomorrow. Again, I will say that he has run into a lot less of that since we moved to Wyoming. Nothing happens quickly here, as you might know if you have read my recent post “Hail Yes!”

I think the same thing has happened with fake friendliness. Suddenly, if you are not gushing with joy to see someone and falling over in your haste to welcome them and help them attain their every desire, you are not friendly. Even worse than that, Bernd has been called rude more than once when he had to explain that a customer could not get exactly what they wanted at exactly the price they wanted in exactly the span of time they absolutely required it. There is no rudeness there; just facts. When did we become so thin-skinned that the facts upset us so easily? What makes people believe and expect that everyone everywhere they go should be happy to see them all of the time?

I for one see right through most people’s attempts at faking friendliness and it does not give me joy. Instead, I think that they are browbeaten and put upon by corporate brass and in fear for their jobs if they don’t stick strictly to corporate policy and smile, smile, smile. I feel sorry for them, but I also feel manipulated and abused.

I’m sure that some people do not see the fakery and enjoy the recognition. Who wouldn’t love to be loved everywhere they went? But I think this has gone on long enough and it needs to stop. In the end, I don’t think it serves anyone.

Photo and quote courtesy of A Girl Without Borders and kevmrc.com respectively