I just read how most young people today consider emotional comfort to be a basic right. And that many of them feel that the people around them should be cognizant of that and take an active part in providing it. Well, it wasn’t stated quite that frankly, but that was the gist of it.

So, now I’m going to sound like an old person (which I am) and write that when I was young, not only was emotional comfort not considered a basic right, it was often purposely withheld.

Starting around age five, I would be sent to my room and told to stay there and not come out until I thought that I could behave. Behaving meant not being loud, not complaining, not expressing anger and not crying. It meant “bucking up” and taking it. It meant not being too demonstrative. It meant self-consoling and self-regulating.

To be sure, that probably wasn’t’ the best way to handle a child expressing fear or anger, or in my case even extreme joy. But I’m fairly certain that looking to others for your emotional comforting is like giving them power over what you feel and how you should feel it.

The time I spent in my room was introspective and contemplative. Mostly I tried to figure out how I should have behaved in order not to get sent to my room. But I learned a lot about myself and my values and what I thought about authority and obedience. I learned about my feelings and how to own them.

I see nothing wrong with desiring to be emotionally comforted. I just think ultimately it should come from inside of you and not from someone else. Although a hug now and then is certainly nice.

In my opinion, the expectation that other people should help you to feel good is not going to serve you well in the long run.

Images courtesy of Humanitas Training & Counseling and Character Council, respectively