I spent a large portion of my early adult life looking in mirrors and any reflective surface that was handy. I checked my makeup (laboriously applied), hair (fussed over) and clothes (were they still arranged neatly?) whenever the opportunity presented itself.

I realized some many years later that just like I was not lazy, as my mother asserted (I was efficient), I was not really vain (as another relative asserted). What I was doing was all to secure the approval of others.

I spent the majority of my young life trying to win the approval of both of my parents in all areas of my life. Mom and Dad each had their areas of concern with very little overlap. And then when I married and moved out, I continued trying to win the approval of others in all areas of my life. One of the easiest of those areas to control was my appearance. I equated a “well turned-out” appearance with pleasing others. My mother had been quite fussy about how I dressed myself. I particularly remember her constantly telling me to straighten my socks so that the ribs on the cuffs were straight up and down and saying to me “people will think I don’t know how to dress my child.” Well, shoot, I dressed me.

I hardly look in mirrors or reflective surfaces any more. Somewhere along the way, I stopped caring how others might judge me based on appearance.  

I do still wish to be seen as kind and a good person to know. But I stopped searching for approval from others. Mostly.

I don’t wear makeup. I’ll slap a ball cap on my head when I go out if my hair is a particular mess (which it usually is) and I dress for my own comfort.

I am by no means all the way there, but it has been liberating.

Images courtesy of Curly Nikki and Pin Page, respectively